Oops, I have written in here in a while, sorry. This is probably going to happen a lot, the long gaps between posts. Summer does that to me sometimes. You would think with my insomnia I get ever frickin summer I would have more posts here...but no.
Anyways....awesome day today. Not. Day started out good. Katie Sarah and I went to Alchemy with Mike last night, that was an epic fail, the club sucked ass, so sarah katie and I just went back to their house and I slept over. Their mommy doesnt know I slept there, they snuck me out once their mom fell asleep this afternoon lol. Then I came home and tanned in the back yard for a bit. I think I actually got some color!! :)
But then....grades were posted yesterday. And my mom made me check them this evening.
I dont know why it upset me so much. Its not like I wasnt expecting it, I KNEW I was going to be on academic dismissal. There hasnt been a question in my mind for like, 2, 2 1/2 months now. But now that its official, and I saw it on my transcript and everything...I dunno...it was hard. I just went upstairs to my room and turned my music on really loud and tried not to think about it.
I promised myself I wouldnt cry, and I did really good until my mom came up to see if I was ok, which I was, again, not like I didnt see it coming. But a few tears did manage to squeeze their way out during that. And after she left it took all my will power to keep those stupid tears back behind my eyes.
Ive just been in a bad mood every since, minus a few moments where I was happy, talking to someone. Ive been stress eating like crazy tonight, I want to shoot myself. I didnt even so my exercises today, and I fucking really need to. Ugghhhh. I just dont care right now. Ill do double tomorrow. Maybe triple, depending on how I feel.
This is just so stupid. I have so much bullshit on my mind right now and its driving me crazy and fucking with my diet. Which I sooooo do not need. Im just so stressed out :(
Oh well, going to go play some solitaire to try and relax.
Peace and Love
Stay Classy
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